04.05.00
Following a bitter loss vs. Moria Destroyers in the Orca Cola Cup semifinals,
Bloodweiser Bulls' captain, Robbie Fouler, has come to doubt his position on the
team. He might end up on the open market. This has in turn led to panic among the
members of the board. However, they were quite calm after having fired the clubs
manager. Now that The Bulls lack proper management, and might also have to make due
without captain Fouler, no one really knows if The Bulls will ever play again. Last
thing we heard, 4 out of the 5 members of the board were hospitalized after a rather
loud disagreement...
Oh, and by the way, Moria Destroyers will match up against the Black Crag Belchers in
the final!
07.03.00
Bill 'Fatfuck' Mallone, the newly hired headcoach of the infamous halflingteam Doughnuts,
have apparently gone ravingly insane. In a short memo to the other teams playing in The Orca
Cola Premier League 'Fatfuck' Mallone invites any elven team in the League to play against
them on their so called "Happy Friendly Elven Tour 2000". It is not surprising
that suicidal tendencies blossom as we enter a new millennium. This has led to the arrival
of several new and somewhat fishy elven teams, such as the Reek of Elven Putrefaction, The
Bloodweiser Elves, Nurgles Flower Runners, Prophets of Prosperity, Them Elvez, Lorien
Destroyers, D.O.A. (Delighted On Arrival), D'Elves and last, but probably not least, The
Shiny White Crag Burpers...
10.02.00
A historic event has taken place. Resently, two of the less respected
teams in the league, namely The Superior Beings and Glorystory (The
Sequel), met in a match to prepare for the upcoming Orca Cola Cup
2000. The audience was simlpy stunned by the fact that no casualties was
made in the game, none whatsoever!!! This one rates just above Altdorf
Asskickers record for playing 6 games back-to-back without scoring a
single TD...
29.11.99
The tide of undead has been moving over the land like a uh... erh... well,
like a tide. But
finally, someone has had the courage to stand up against them. Well, um,
several teams have
had the courage, but without much success. But the dark and evil, and very
ill-mannered
and misbehaved darkelven team Shaka Soultwisters have now done what none
thougt possible.
They have killed off one of those horrid mummies. They made an undead
die! We shall overcome
this undead scum, for what is slaughter when the victim is mere bones, no
blood?
17.11.99
One of the most respected teams in The Orca Cola Premier League - The
Bloodweiser Bulls -
has
surfaced again after a
long break. In their first game this season, they stood pondering long and
hard, trying to
remember the rules. Meanwhile, their opponents lept at the opportunity and
got an easy TD.
Eventually, The Bulls remembered that the rules are basically "norulez",
and thus won the
game
2-1 vs The Reek of Putrefaction.
10.11.99
Playing in The Orca Cola Premier League is not recommended for sissies or
the economically
disadvantaged. The Lorien Leftfooters have certainly discovered this, as
they have now lost
a total of 380.000 GC on the last 4 games alone. They have thus suffered
the terrible fate
of bankruptcy, and their chances for further success in the league does look rather
grim. This might be
a good occasion for the club to reconsider their investment in
solar-powered
flashlights...
12.10.99
After a long and well deserved brake, The Orca Cola Premier League is up
and running again. After the brilliant season opener (The
Superior Beings vs. D Orcs 3-0) a particular brand of green slime is
actually up and running in the wrong direction...
It is with utter delight we here at NNQ tell you that the League is ever
expanding, although one or two teams are pounded so deep into
the dirt that they will never rise again, and thus must be removed from
the League. We hope
to see at least one exciting cup coming up
this season, and meanwhile the fans will be able to rejoice in the general
slaughter of the series...
By the way, have anyone heard the strange rumour? The Altdorf Asskickers
have apparently won a match!? We here at NNQ feel confident
that this is just a minor exaggeration. The correct sitaution is probably
that The Asslickers showed up for a match...
29.04.99
A while back The Nurgles Pest Runners succeeded in beating the legendary
Bloodweiser Bulls. But, in spite of this tremendous effort, the team
suffered from depression after the game. Why? They did not uphold their
casualty rate...
21.04.99
Nothing much exciting is happening these days. The battle for the topspot
in the Premier League is going to be turbulent. But even more exciting is
the battle against receding down to the Wannabe League. Also, the affore
mentioned Altdorf Asskickers have now played 6 matches, but have yet to
score a touchdown. We here at NNQ are watching closely, and hope that they
go for the world record...
12.04.99
The second season is well on it's way, and it is clear that none of the
teams in the Premier League can take anything for granted. Even The Black
Crag Belchers had their ugly mugs pummeled into the dust just
the other day. The only teams without defeat is now The Bloodweiser Bulls,
runner up in the Orca Cola Cup, and The Prophets of Pain.
What goes on in the Wannabe League? We'd rather not talk about that, but
we still find it worth while mentioning that one of the teams in the mud,
namely Altdorf Asskickers, have now played 5 matches without scoring a
single touchdown! Now, that has got to be some sort of a
record...
22.03.99
The Black Crag Belchers have actually done it! They got the double!!! The
final of the Orca Cola Cup turned out to be an even match-up, but the
Belchers proved to
everybody why they are called the Belchers... Erh, that is, they proved to
everybody that they are called the Belchers? Well, they belched, and also,
by the way sort of, they won the final. The other team that played in the
final offered free beer to their supporters, and even though this seemed
to go well with the supporters, it did not do alot of good for the
team. Unable to score in regulation, the teams took it to OT, where
the Belchers worked their magic. They got their touchdown, and managed
to hold the other team scoreless.
"The other team" were once known as the Bloodweiser Bulls, although in
the future they will be referred to as the Spice Bulls.
News, Notes and Quotes did of course send a reporter to the scene, but
with a malfunctioning camera, so it'll take some time before the pics are
ready...
17.03.99
In a recent match against The Superior Beings, the starplayer of
The Nurgles Pest Runners, Püger Pestbringer, was killed in a blatant foul.
Püger Pestbrunger was perhaps the greatest player to appear in the Orca
Cola Premier League up until this day. The player who got the credit for
the kill, Tom B. Stone, is an excellent catcher, but is usually found well
away from the slaughter on the pitch. This was actually his first casualty
EVER. His only comment on the incident was: "Robbie Fouler, you better
watch it, I'm coming for you..."
09.03.99
Well, the leagues second season is well on it's way, and the Cup has
reached the final stages (funilly enough, these final stages are in fact
referred to as "the finals"). No one should be surprised by the fact that
two dwarf teams will be matched up with two orc teams. The final will take
place on the 19th of march. The local authorities fear that supporters
will wreak havoc, and by Nuffle, we will!!!
02.02.99
Tragedy strikes The Orca-Cola Premier League! Another team has left the
series, although this time due to a different sort of accident. The orcish
team Riksdagen A.D., suffered severe losses when their bus crashed into
a gigantic pile of feces. An investigation of the site revealed
that the feces was of skaven-like nature. Officials from Shaven Skaven,
Stinkin' Paydirts and Reservoir Rats have all been interviewed by the
police.
23.01.99
Recently the Orca-Cola Premier League has got a lot of attention in the
press due to allegations of a criminal nature. There have been rumours for
some time now, about kidnapping, and robbing between the teams. The cup
was filled last week when a player from The Superior Beings was arrested
in the middle of a match. All he had to say to the press was "It wasn't
me!".
The press confronted Bloodbowl Official Bob Gob of ABUSE (Association of
Bloodbowl Unions & Starplayer Establishments) with these allegations. Bob
Gob pondered long and hard upon these questions, whereafter he beat the
lot of them into a proper press corpse...
All major newspapers declared in a short notice the following day that the
issue was "outdebated".
19.1.99
Suggestions have been made to alter the rules on assisting fouls. Certain
coaches feel that the league would be evened out and more exciting if we
adopt a limit for assisting fouls as a houserule. This would allow the
"weaker" teams to be able to compete better with the brutes on top of the
league.
We here at NNQ doubt that this rule will ever see the light of
day...
11.1.99
We here at NNQ have learned that a number of new teams have joined the
league recently, among them The Nurgle Pest Runners, a chaos team. We are
delighted that there's a constant supply of fresh blood in the game, but
as the practical side are becoming more difficult to handle with the
growing numbers, something has to be done. Limiting the number of teams is
of course unacceptable. Therefore it has been suggested that we divide the
league into two series. Further discussions will be made on the subject as
soon as the coaches involved sober up...
4.1.99
So the "Holiday for No Apparent Reason" is finally over, and most people
are thoroughly delighted by that. This means that all those evil gits that
tend to terrorize them throughout the holiday, will now return to the
Bloodbowl field. From what we've heard here at NNQ, we've got several new
additions to the league during the holiday, and this is as allways
appreciated.
If you have any suggestions, comments or complaints on how we deal with
things here at NNQ, the Orca-Cola Premier Leagues newsdepartment, you are
very welcome to contact us at this
adress, where you are quite likely to be told to sod off and get a
life of your own.
We here at NNQ wish you all a crappy new year!!!
What this team need, is a good apothecary. And some new padding for our
catchers.
-Headcoach Kublai Khan of The Superior Beings, after having lost 3 players
in only 2 games.
What this team need, is a few fans.
-Headcoach Kublai Khan of The Superior Beings, after seeing fans flee from
their games.
What this team need, is fewer fans.
-Headcoach Kublai Khan of The Superior Beings, when fleeing from
their fans with the clubs money...
WHAT?!? It's those with most Touchdowns that wins the game??
-Robbie Fouler of The Bloodweiser Bulls, after actually losing a
game.
This game is going down where that orc just came up!
-Headcoach Jeff Walker of The Reek of Putrefaction, after an orc arrived
from the sewer.
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